17 simple suggestions for building confidence and self-esteem.
By Neel Burton M.D.
Low self-esteem can be deeply rooted in past experiences. It can have origins in traumatic childhood events, such as prolonged separation from parents, neglect, or emotional, physical, or sexual abuse.
In later life, self-esteem can be undermined by illness, job loss, divorce, difficult relationships, and a general sense of lack of control. This sense of lack of control may be especially pronounced in victims of emotional, physical, or sexual abuse.
The relationship between low self-esteem and mental distress is complex. Low self-esteem predisposes people to mental health disorders, which can reduce self-esteem. In some cases, low self-esteem is a cardinal feature of mental disorder, such as in depression or borderline personality disorder.
People with low self-esteem tend to see the world as a hostile place and themselves as its victim. They are then reluctant to express and assert themselves; they miss out on experiences and opportunities, and feel powerless to change things. All of this lowers their self-esteem further, sucking them into a downward spiral.
If you feel that you suffer from poor self-esteem, there are a number of simple things you can do to help yourself. You may already be doing some of these things, and you certainly don’t need to do them all. Do what feels most comfortable to you.
1. Make two lists:one of your strengths and one of your achievements. Try to get a supportive friend or relative to help you with these lists, as people with low self-esteem are not usually in the most objective frame of mind. Keep the lists in a safe place and read through them every morning.
2. Think positively about yourself. Remind yourself that, despite your problems, you are a unique, special, and valuable person, and that you deserve to feel good about yourself. Identify and challenge any negative thoughts about yourself such as ‘I am loser’, ‘I never do anything right’, or ‘No one really likes me’.
3. Pay special attention to your personal hygiene: take a shower, brush your hair, trim your nails, and so forth.
4. Wear clean clothes that make you feel good about yourself. Wear an ironed shirt rather than a crumpled T-shirt. Polish your boots. Wear earrings. You get the idea!
5. Eat a healthy, balanced diet. Make meals a special time, even if you're eating alone. Turn off the TV, set the table, light a candle, and take a moment to feel grateful.
6. Exercise regularly. Go for a brisk walk every day, even if it's cold or rainy. Do vigorous exercise that makes you sweat three times a week.
7. Get plenty of sleep. Read this: Better Sleep in 10 Simple Steps.
8. Reduce stress. Delegate responsibilities, prioritize tasks and let the little things go. For other suggestions, read Managing Stress.
9. Make your living space clean, comfortable, and attractive. Whenever I clean my windows or water my plants I feel much better. Display items that remind you of your achievements and the special times and people in your life.
10. Do more of the things you enjoy. Go ahead and spoil yourself. Do at least one thing that you enjoy every day.
11. Make art. Painting, music, poetry, and dance enable us to express ourselves, interact positively with others, and reduce our stress levels. Try it! You might impress yourself! Find a class and sign up.
12. Challenge yourself. Learn to swim. Take voice lessons. Keep an orchid alive. Throw a small dinner party. Go for it!
13. Do the things you've been putting off. File that paperwork, repaint the kitchen, organize a drawer, do your taxes, trim the bushes.
14. Be nice to people, and do nice things for them. Start a conversation with the postman, invite a neighbor for tea, visit a sick friend, or get involved with a local charity. Putting a smile on someone’s face will put one on yours.
15. Get others on board. Tell your friends and relatives what you're going through and ask for their advice and support. Perhaps they have similar problems and you can support each other. Don’t be overly shy or reserved. Most people do want to help.
16. Spend more time with the people you love. Also try to enlarge your social circle by meeting new people.
17. Avoid people and places that make you feel badly about yourself. This could mean being more assertive. If assertiveness is a problem for you, ask a mental health professional about assertiveness training.
Finally, remember the wise words of Lao Tzu: Health is the greatest possession. Contentment is the greatest treasure. Confidence is the greatest friend.
Neel Burton is author of Hypersanity: Thinking Beyond Thinking, Hide and Seek: The Psychology of Self-Deception, Heaven and Hell: The Psychology of the Emotions, and other books.
Komentar